Doing it All

Thank you all for your prayers.  The little ones had a better day though Brendan's pulse oxygen levels were still not ideal. They both slept REALLY well last night though - which means mama slept too.  Woo hoo!

We have made some hard decisions this week and I wanted to share them here because of a comment that was made by one young mom. She expressed disappointment, and perhaps a bit of resentment, over Funschool and all that we do. I try to present a fair survey of our lives here though obviously this blog isn't the sum total of our existence. It is important though, especially as you begin the homemaking/homeschooling journey, that you have a realistic understanding of what your fellow moms are actually accomplishing. As a rule, it is going to be less than you have built up their production to be in your mind.

Funschool co-op ran pretty smoothly all fall. It was extremely gratifying personally to me to have those little faces shine back so enthusiastically. I found there are drawbacks to the co-op setting though. Most obvious is the fact that while home education can happen under wide, varied circumstances, group instruction with children from other families can only happen at set times requiring a significant amount of preplanning. Life in a large family, particularly with members who have health challenges, does not lend itself to inflexible schedules. Things happen. Even if each member has a need only once a month if you do the math that means a third of our month is eaten up. Fortunately homeschooling continues without missing a beat most often.  You are rarely sick enough to need to stop reading.  Avilian notebooks travel well. Guerilla homeschooling fills the gaps. We have a framework for WHAT we plan to cover daily/weekly/annually but we are flexible about where/when those goals are met each day and can adjust to the challenges the day brings.

The same is true for our cleaning schedule.  We can't budge on that. With a large family you MUST clean your fridge, mop your floors, empty your vehicle, and order the clothing drawers at least weekly. Vacuuming/sweeping, bathroom cleaning, bed making, laundry,dishes and exterior kitchen surface cleaning must happen daily.  Actually I hit our main bathroom twice a day. (And I am not Martha Stewart.  It just would be gross otherwise. I have a lot of boys) Now some weeks I can't stick to the prearranged focus day list and we have to double up another day. That's ok. It is not ok to skip though or you really compound your mess.

Somewhere in your year you have seasonal/annual jobs that are flexible but can't be put off indefinitely - closet cleaning, seasonal clothing swapping, oven cleaning, light fixtures, yada yada. We have found that while it would be lovely to set aside a week to do those things it never pans out unless you have secured a nanny to entertain your children. No, it is better to sneak in those jobs here and there. Children left to themselves bring shame upon their mothers....  Therefore I try to tackle a couple yucky jobs every week like emptying the bathroom door organizer which is this weeks goal.

I am rambling.  My point is you have to be a good steward of your time. The more kids you have, the more health issues you have, the less wiggle room you have. I live by a few slogans. One is that there is always enough time to do God's will.  There is rarely enough time to also do your own agenda. I have found God to be economical. He always provides for our needs. Not always so with our 'druthers.  When pressed for time and or when energy is depleting I have had to step back and ask again, what of this is God's will and what is my own?  Clearly SOMEthing is my agenda because while God does not promise to make me supermom He does promise me I can carry my yoke with His help.  That does not mean I can carry ANY yoke I choose, only the one He has designed for me.  This is where I run into trouble.

Rebecca made a comment in an unrelated conversation yesterday that has stuck in my mind since. She said we often confuse the DESIRE to do something with the CALL to do it. Truer words were never spoken.  Take them to heart as I am. Most often in life we must make the hard decisions and let go of the "good" to attain the "best" for our families.

I let go of support forums this past year which was a wrenching decision. I was faced with the choice to be a faithful friend to a few women or to slack on my responsibilities too often while attempting to keep on top of message board discussions. The choice seemed obvious when standing in front of a closet that needed sorting but on a practical level it meant removing myself from daily comraderie. I realized afterwards just how much I relied on that positive feedback. It is much easier to motivate oneself when you get applause here and there.

There was a lot of positive feedback from Funschool co-op. One little girl whispered into my ear a few weeks ago “Thank you for being our teacher!” Another asked the other day when they could come to my house and learn letters again. Sigh. You have no idea how sweet they are, nor how much fun it is to work hard when you have such an appreciative audience. But the reality is time stops for no (wo)man. This lifestyle requires a decent amount from us. To be responsible you have to make hard choices. You can’t do it all. I know. I have tried. So, bottom line – another difficult decision – I will continue to post Funschool plans here and hope everyone enjoys them at home as we do but we won’t be hosting the real life co-op.

I also cancelled my speaking contract for this summer. Another VERY difficult decision. I like to share. I like to see people given the tools to effect positive change in their homeschools. Reality is my family doesn't have the hours required to do justice to a conference presentation this year however. Perhaps it is my overgrown sense of responsibility but I believe when people pay their hard earned money they deserve a well-constructed, thoughtful presentation in return. If I allocate my time to assure that then many other things would suffer here. My first call is to do well at living this message. I want to be sure I am giving my all to that. Right now I can't live it well AND present. This isn't my season.

I often bring to mind an experience as a conference attendee many years ago.  The speaker began her talk (about how to be a good mother) by asking us for prayer for her baby who was howling in another room.  She spoke louder to be heard over the crying. : / It made a huge impression on me. I realize it would have been a career killer to have walked out on us, her full house audience, to go attend to that baby.  Still...

Reading blogs should encourage you, not demoralize you. If it sounds too good to be true, assume it isn’t true. If you are working hard and can’t fit in another thing then those other things are not God’s will for you. He gave you a specific set of circumstances. Those are handpicked for you. They won’t look like mine or anyone else’s. That is ok. You will have to make hard choices. Do you want to do hands on history? Fine. You won’t likely get to do hands-on everything else AND scouts AND have a vegetable garden. Are you having babies every 18months or more frequently? That IS your task for this season in life. You may not get to participate in online groups or have a weekly date night. You get unlimited hugs and kisses every day – and night often – instead. In the end it is a lot more to hang onto than a science fair project.  Be sure you are asking your husband, sincerely, how HE feels about your commitments.

 

Whatever circumstances you have been gifted with strive to make the most of them. If you have a home, take really good care of it. Many people are not so lucky. It may not be a mansion but for this time, now, it is yours.  If you have a husband, take even better of him. Similarly, many are not so fortunate and we don’t know how many days we will get to be a blessing to him. Don't take that for granted. If you have children, turn off the computer and go join them. Don’t worry about what the rest of us are doing, and be assured NO one is doing it all. Everyone is making choices and many are making choices you would not be happy with in the end. 

Comments

[Paula in MN]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. This was beautifully stated and exactly what I needed to read.

[Becky]

What a blessing it was for me to read this. Thank you!

[Sherry]

WOW!!!!!I love it--you have spoken into the hearts of so many women, yours truly included!

Your friend and "kindred spirit",

Sherry

PS--I'd love to link to this one!

[Meredith]

Very nice post Kim, you're doing a great job!! Thanks for all the reminders of what's realistic!

[Lisa]

Profound, Kim! I'm taping this quote to my Mama Notebook: "When pressed for time and or when energy is depleting I have had to step back and ask again, what of this is God's will and what is my own? Clearly SOMEthing is my agenda because while God does not promise to make me supermom He does promise me I can carry my yoke with His help. That does not mean I can carry ANY yoke I choose, only the one He has designed for me." Can I link this one, too?

[Annette]

"Reading blogs should encourage you, not demoralize you. If it sounds too good to be true, assume it isn’t true."

I think I am going to cross-stitch this and hang it up by my computer, LOL! Seriously, this was a very uplifting and honest post.

[Barb McK]

We will miss your talk next summer, but I can totally understand. God and family first, or your life loses meaning. I think you're doing a terrific job, nice kids, nice family :)

[Donna]

Words that I need to hear frequently. Thanks, Kim.

[Tiffany]

Oh thank you sooooooooo much for this post! It was so good to read. This just gave me a burst of energy to get my closet cleaned out today. God bless you. If you ever have time you can drop by my blog.http://theballardsblog.blogspot.com/ You were such a inspiration to me today.

[Marilyn]

Kim - you are always an inspiration to me - I very infrequently read blogs - but by some divine intervention read this post and your one about joy - both were real anwers to prayer.

[amy]

Very good! Thank You!

[Meredith from Merchant Ships]

I needed to hear this, too! As a mom of only two I cherish true words from women who are ahead of me on the journey!

I have also eliminated my participation in forums (though apparently just replaced it with more blogging).

[Cay]

Dear Kim,
I just got home and this is the first blog post I've fully read tonight.

God bless you, dear! This is a wonderful post.

[Ginny Ingram]

I am and have lived much of what you shared here. I homeschooled my girls, despite having a chronic illness that prevented us from doing a lot of the things other homeschooling families did (support group activities, for instance.) I am now caregiver to my husband who has incurable cancer (treatable with debilitating side effects for an unknown length of time.) Your words to be a blessing because we don't know how long we have are ones every single person need to heed. Each day is truly a gift from God.

[Jordan]

This is a great and helpful post, Kim.

Although you won't be speaking at conferences this summer, those of us who read your blog will still benefit from what you share here. Many of us wouldn't have been able to attend conferences anyway.

Thank you.

[Heather]

Thank you for your intelligent words, I enjoyed reading.

[Liz]

From a mum who is just starting on this homeschooling journey, thank you.

Liz

[Jennie Lou]

Thank you for the reality check and inspiration!

[Lindsey @ enjoythejourney]

Fabulous. Really. It is a reality check and yes, blogs should encourage you, or at the least, make you HAPPY! I have this one commenter who is always complaining that I'm too hard and harsh and she gets upset when she reads me. I say...stop reading! It isn't worth it! :)

[Kristie]

Thank you, thank you Kim. This has been both a boost and a reality check. I will be coming back to reread this until my printer is fixed and I can print it....God bless you in all of your thoughtful decisions.

[Martha in VA]

Bless you, Kim. Posts like this make me love my husband, my children, my God, and my vocation so much more. Blessings to you as you choose the best over the good!

[Carole in Wales]

Thank you so much, Kim. This really spoke to my heart. It is certainly something I will reread in the future.

[lisa]

this is amazing~~thank you

[Dawnie]

Thank you. As a newer homeschooler of mostly young children, I really needed to read this today. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Erin]

Kim,
Very true and well said. Thank you.

[stef]

Thanks so much for this beautiful post, Kim!

[Rebecca ~7smallones]

Thank you.

:o)

[Cheryl]

This is a beautiful post, Kim. I am away, but I will be reading this again when I return home. Thanks.

[Jennifer]

This was a beautiful reality check. God bless you, Kim!

[nina]

Thank you for your thoughtful post. I'm going to continue to ponder the idea of "call vs desire." I'm sure I confuse them all the time.

There seems to be quite a bit of blog burnout. I've been following threads on different blogs about the topic. I'm taking a break from blogging and especially protecting myself from superbloggers whose material does demoralize me. I feel much better already.

[Renee]

Thank you! I've been in your shoes over and over again throughout my vocation as wife and mother. You are so wise. "to everything, there is a season"... God bless you!

[Jessica]

Thank you, I have been needing to hear this!

[mel]

This is fantastic, thank you. I'd like to link this from my blog, you've given me lots of food for thought.

[Julia]

Thank you Kim. I just read this and it is exactly what I needed today.

[BessieJoy]

This is a beautiful post! So thoughtful, with no judgment attached. And what a blessing to read of your commitment to God's will for your life! Refreshing! I don't normally read your blog or even have any idea what coop you are talking about but today you blessed me!