normal is just a setting on your washer....

The one constant in life is change. Margaret Kim Peterson addressed the differences and challenges in large and small households. I think her observation about small households actually encompasses most larger ones as well:

There may be a few years (in a small household) in which there are young children and then many years in which there are none.  Children can feel like an intrusion in such a household; parents may spend the preschool years waiting for things to 'get back to normal."  But, young childhood is just as normal a state of life as adulthood; we just tend to forget that, in our age-segregated society.  Keeping house (in a smaller household)  calls for the flexibility necessary to see a variety of situations as "normal" and a willingness to repeatedly reassess the changing needs of household members and the varying contributions that household members can make to the work of the household.

Having a new baby, no matter how many you have had, can throw a person for a loop.  Previously fine-tuned routines can be turned on their ears.  Fatigue and the inability to predict baby's moods can knock a person off their game for a bit. If articles about how to 'deal' with preschoolers are any indication, that state of disequilibrium can last some time, at least until the child can be sat down with a pencil and paper or sent to school.  That is a state of things we often feel more comfortable with.  Many people spend the early years just hanging on, waiting for them to pass, until the children are less... childish. 

It is true that there are challenges unique to the baby and toddler years.  If you are in a larger household you may find yourself in and out of this time over and over. You may find that you spend a number of years never out of it completely, with some small person around at all times.  It is necessary to have a proper perspective either way.  

With my first children I assumed chaos was the best we could expect and housekeeping was kept to the bare despicable minimum.  I resented the intrusion housekeeping chores made on our life and figured no one could be expected to do them with any regularity given the peculiar demands tiny people imposed. I fell into the mindset Peterson describes - this will pass.  We would wait until some future date when things would get back to 'normal.'  As you can see 'normal' never came and chaos was not an acceptable status quo for the long haul.  Neither was resentment. 

We have never been the types to enforce a rigid schedule for little folks. We gently move them into a routine but the truth is there are weeks and months where life demands that we adapt to the unexpected and still carry on cheerfully one way or another.  This is our normal. There is nothing 'wrong' with this state of affairs that must be endured nor fixed per se.  It just requires a different outlook and plan of attack.  

When writing about our family life in the Catholic Homeschool Companion book I said we had learned to 'make hay when the sun shines.'  This is still our way of doing things. If the baby is resting and I am able to, I get to work.  When we are home and able to, we push ahead with school.  We do all we can, whenever we can, and then if life happens (and sooner or later it does) we can respond to that challenge without undo anxiety over what else is not happening. We know that 'normal' means babies might be sleepless, toddlers may get excitable and messy, and teens may sometimes be in a funk or prone to sleeping every bit as much as the babies are prone to wakefulness. Dad, who had previously been home at 6 each evening might now be out of town or out of the country. There can be new homes, new jobs, new health challenges. 

Even aside from those major upheavals there are inevitably the lesser ones which come and go. The child who was enthusiastic about math or doing dishes last year may balk at those things this year. In contrast the child who was unable to contribute much last year may suddenly excel at a chore today. The new driver may now be able to run errands.  Tasks that were once done reliably at certain time may now have to be shifted to another part of the day so mom can catch a nap when baby falls asleep.  We don't stop doing the things we must.  We do however develop flexibility about when they get done in the day and who is able to do them.  We don't consider this problematic.  It is just another sort of normal. 

In His divine economy God wastes nothing.  If the season of life in which you find yourself has its own set of unique trials, be assured it also has its unique opportunities as well.  Instead of clinging to our comfort zones we can embrace the change and ask ourselves how we might see and do things differently. We can be certain that we are able to thrive under many different circumstances. There is a reason for today. 

 

Comments

[Paula]

Thank you for this post. I've been seeking for wisdom in how to approach the necessary functions of running a home and family--the housekeeping, chores, shopping, doctors visits, etc. with a growing family and young children. I have heard so many people say "oh, this time will pass, the children will grow so quickly"; but if I expect to keep having babies (and I do) for the next decade or so, I can't just sit around waiting for the chaos to end. I need to learn how to manage within this framework of "normal". I like the way you see adaptation as a part of life.

[shelly]

i'm going through something so major right now [family] and your last line, as i skimmed, just brought me to tears. i wonder what the reason is [!!]. please pray for a special intention.

[Susan]

I really needed to read this today. Thank you so much for writing it.

Re-reading that and it might sound like I'm being sarcastic so I'd better add that I'm being very sincere. Lack of sleep last night (my own fault) made me think that I was allowed to slack off today, simply because I could. Thank you for reminding me what an important job I have, and that I shouldn't waste a minute of the time I've been given to do it.

Blessings to you and yours...

[Amber]

Thanks for this wonderful post. I'm sure I'll reread it when I get the chance & be thinking about it for the next few days. Much appreciated.

[Erin]

This is just what I needed to hear today!! Thank you.

[Cathy]

I loved this post. It is easy to get used to the way things are and be upset with changes. Flexibility with young children helps us focus on the important things of life.