Tradition of Omission

Once again the advent wreath was missing this first Sunday of advent.  It is an annual tradition of sorts. The advent wreath always ends up packed with the Christmas things which we fully intend to unpack in the days after Thanksgiving.  Those days inevitably end up being filled with other activities. The candles don't generally survive the summer so sometime the first week in advent we remind ourselves to replace them. (we did!)  We are usually reminded of the need to do this when we read the lovely advent articles and realize that we really should have begun preparing our prayers and practices sometime LAST month. 

What WERE we doing last month?  Just having a baby I guess. ; )  That is my excuse this year.  Actually it was my excuse for 3 of the past 5 years but the truth is this is a longstanding reality for us - one I tend to beat myself up over year in and year out.  I was in the process of doing just that today when Keeping House came. It has been on my wish list since Rebecca listed it on her sidebar way back when.  It had been all but forgotten until I was on baby rest and needed new books for company. It came just at the right time.  In my funk, I opened to the first chapter and read gratefully:

"Forget fantasies of "accomplishing something." Perhaps somewhere in the world there were people who measured their days by how much they got done - at work, in class, wherever. I measured my days by whether at the end of them the members of my household had been dressed and fed and bathed and put to bed. If we had been, then that was a good day.  I had done what mattered most." 

Though there are so very many beautiful ideas for the holidays, the truth is that the majority of my waking hours are spent on much more basic feeding, bathing, cleaning, and schooling chores, most of which do not break for holidays.  I have become rather adept at sneaking in little spurts of crafting and decorating between my more pressing tasks.  There is always that list of all I am not doing in the back of my mind however, particularly this time of year. So much more I wish I could do but can't.  Part of the frustration stems from a wrong understanding of what IS being done instead - namely caring for people near and dear to me. 

It is tempting to view meeting their most basic needs as somehow less valuable than doing the extras.  "Basic" doesn't mean "barely acceptable minimum" though.  It means core necessities that are absolutely essential to growth and prosperity.  Extras without basics is like frosting with no cake. Or worse, cake with no dinner. 

"Housekeeping - cooking, cleaning, laundry, all the large and small tasks that go into keeping a household humming along - is not a trivial matter but a serious one. People need to eat, to sleep, to have clothes to wear..... These are the needs housework exists to meet."

The past several years of homeschooling and homemaking have shown me over and over the beauty of 'basics'.  A good example was that the children had no need to break from their learning to wait on me for school during this baby season.  (They did break to play some dozens of board games with their big brother and to work outside with Dad during his time off and to baby gaze.) Simple systems enabled us to carry on. Laundry got done, learning happened, two and four legged creatures were fed, watered, and sheltered. While it is easy to take that for granted it is important to remember, as Ms.Peterson says, these are the things that Really Matter. Meeting true needs is never a small thing, it is everything. 

So we may limp along with our advent devotions but we remain fully devoted to caring for one another. We will continue to fill our pew on Sundays and holy days through this season.  We fast, we pray. We do the simple, though not easy, things we always do and we will eventually get all the visual reminders in place - the nativity, the wreath, the tree - or at least most of them. When we get discouraged by all we are not doing, we will remember that these practices are meant to serve man, not man the practices. Ours is not a faith of clever crafts and object lessons (though these are absolutely fine and can be helpful when you can swing them!) but rather we walk in imitation of One who came to serve. He met basic needs in those He met and admonished others not to get sidetracked by the extras. (remember Martha)  

"Jesus has very strong things to say... about the Christian duty to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and shelter the homeless.....  Housework is all about feeding and clothing and sheltering people who in the absence of that daily work would otherwise be hungry and ill-clad and ill-housed."

I have to think that taking our cue there is a fine thing this time of year.  As the author says, there is more to Matthew 25 than just our households, but we must start here.  We must also realize there are many seasons in life, some of which are more conducive to extras than others. If we find ourselves in one that is not we can rest assured we are doing exactly what we ought to be by simply doing what we must with a glad heart. 

It is better to have a little with fear of the Lord than great treasure with turmoil. Prov 15-16

Comments

[Karen]

PS: I am using left over candles from last year. I also have a plastic wreath that I let the boys change the deco every year. When we had trees and greenery we always made the wreath.
And the only thing I have out is the Nativity from my Mom (that I helped pick out in JR high in Germany) and the Advent wreath.
I am always slow on the Christmas stuff...

[Lisa]

I can associate with this. There have been SO many years when it was all I could do with pregnancy, babies, toddlers, homeschooling, etc... that I felt like it was a big splurge just to get a shower for myself. It's all good. You guys live a prayer already. &:o)

Advent Blessings from across the Colorado prairie!

[Anne]

What a balm this post is for my soul. It has veritably wiped away the guilt and helped me to understand anew all the works of mercy being done each day around here with a large homeschooling family. I too have not had the advent wreath out AGAIN on time this year and not even the new candles bought. Thank you for this helpful reminder of what it takes to "simply" raise our children. I am actually a better mother when I let go of the guilt. Btw, the upclose shot of your baby doll with her shirt off sooooooooo made me want another baby as she is too, too, too precious!!!

[Rebecca]

Thank you! I so needed to read this! I've been reading your blog for a few weeks now and I love it. This post especially encourages me to "major in the majors." I'm a stay at home mom to two preschoolers, with our third due any day now. I struggle to feel adequate when all I get done is the "basics." Thanks for the reminder that the basics are really very important! So, instead of spending my time decorating for Christmas while my kids watch TV all day in their pajamas and beg for a snack, I'm going to focus instead on caring for my family's basic needs! And I won't feel like a bad mother for not lighting advent candles this year....so long as I'm still reminding my kids of the real Reason for the Season every chance I get!

[Laura]

Beautifully written Kim, Thank You! I think I shall add that book to my wish list as well. We did manage to get our advent wreath up. I tried my hand at a "Tasha Tudor" type wreath with little success. Check it out if you have the time! :)

[Jamie]

Thank you so much Kim. I feel like the Lord led me to your blog at just the right time. I had a baby 3 months ago and moved into a new house in that month also. I also started homeschooling this year. I feel like I am just trying to create some order in my life and establish those basic systems you were talking about. I have also been reading some blogs of very creative homeschool moms and have been feeling very inadequate. I needed your perspective. I am inspired to use your materials for the homemaking notebook. I am a recovering messy and I have been inspired by the testimony of your homemaking journey. You have helped me to believe that I can have a peaceful and orderly home and that maybe God will entrust me with more little ones despite my natural weakness in housekeeping. May the Lord bless you and your family this advent season.

[MomToCherubs]

You have been awarded the BUTTERFLY AWARD. For more details ...

http://becksbounty.blogspot.com/2008/12/award.html

Grace & Peace,
MomToCherubs

[Cathy]

I also was late this year, okay, every year. But I do eventually get to it, and the funny thing is, by being late, it gauges that it is important to the kids - they ask and wonder why we don't have it yet, and when will we? They help me search the stores for the right candles, as we are in an area that doesn't seem to have them in stores. I finally got them from Church. Next year, I think, I'll order them, but likely, I'll again be involved in daily living.

[Julie B.]

This year I finally made an Advent box for all those things I need first! I am so excited that next year we will have our Advent wreath out on the the first Sunday of Advent!!!