FAQ's

"I am overwhelmed'

"I spend a lot more time on planning than on doing."

"Our plans sound good but they peter out."

"I never feel as though I am doing enough, but we are always so busy."

"I am having a hard time staying on top of things."

"How do you know when it is "enough." (read alouds, activities etc)

I have gotten some remarkably similar letters this past month.  So similar in fact that I suspect they are touching upon an increasingly common theme. I wanted to share some of these comments (above) in case you also have ever felt this way and wondered if you were alone.  You aren't. I don't personally know many of you personally but I am willing to bet you are diligent, committed moms who have some burdensome assumptions about what it takes to do this well. 

I have a lot of thoughts on this subject but only snatches of time on the computer.  I am going to first share with you the reply I sent initially and then re-sent with variations afterwards.  We are also working on a major blog overhaul which ought to help track down old articles which address "how we do it."  

The short answer to that last question is that I only manage to do what I do because I have become ruthlessly realistic about how many hours are in a day and what I can accomplish in them. A little goes a long way - a little reading aloud, a little memory work practice, a little art, a little decluttering, a little bit of date night and time to think about something besides school.  That is also important. As a good friend remarked, part of this dilemma is due to "school" taking up an disproportionate amount of our thoughts and lives.  

Anyway here are my initial thoughts with more to come, Lord willing and the crick don't rise: 

I do think it is very hard to both create all your own curricula and follow them in a large family.  There is a lotta life happening for most of us.   I have said before that no one is doing it all - at least not well.  There is only so much time and this particular activity takes up a big chunk of it.  For me, it took up too big a chunk to justify.

Some of the most organized and successful (large) homeschool families I have known through books and real life have not gotten caught up with reinventing the wheel.  They recognized that real life is plenty full of meaningful experiences in many different areas.  They cook, they travel, they garden, they care for pets, they sew, they paint, they are part of a church community, they play music or sports or games, they welcome new babies regularly.  (some combination of the above - though certainly not all for every family)   A child in an active loving family is rarely lacking in meaningful life experiences. This does not mean school just has to 'get done' with no regard to the quality of education.  It does mean that there isn't just one definition of 'quality education' and that a curriculum designed by mom is not necessarily better than one she selects carefully from another source.   

One advantage many of these families have is that they have chosen a program and stuck with it over the long haul despite the fact that many other homeschoolers may turn up their noses at their choices.  Their children did not shrivel up.  They thrived.  Why?   Because they knew what to expect each day and week.  They had consistency.  They made the most of their materials. They know them inside out and then can easily tweak when they teach the next child. Therefore, each year finds them jumping in again and making steady progress.  They are not losing big gaps of time while mom wrestles with methodology and writing new material.  They aren't waiting on mom because she underestimated the amount of time she would have to devote to teacher directed lessons.   They know what to do and they do it. 

Many, like your children, are not fond of open-ended assignments nor lessons that drag on and on.  That doesn't mean they don't love learning nor that their learning is less authentic.  They just don't need the type of bells and whistles activities that look quite impressive to other moms.  Instead they do very well with careful reading of various subjects.  If you feel you are selling out if you don't do extensive hands-on projects for school it may help to check out articles like this one which point out how educators...

"..in the quest for relevance or utility, are failing to reinforce the basic facts."

and that...

''Discovery is a lot of fun, but often there are questions about what students learn from it. It degenerated into activity for activity's sake."

Many parents also don't realize that they likely ARE doing LOTS of hands on activity throughout their day.  If you keep your children alongside you as you do all the many things required to run a home and family (and for some families a business or ministry) you can bet your kids are involved in plenty of projects.  You don't need to apologize for not adding yet more in their academics.  We learn best by living, not by classroom activities no matter how clever they may be. 

As far as what must be done academically if you aren't using a prepared program, I would say do math.  Do it very well.  Do not neglect to do it.  I can't stress that enough.  It composes a huge chunk of college entrance exams and upper level science depends upon it. Even if your child is entering a liberal arts field they can earn money for college by scoring well in the math area and it will make their prerequisite courses much easier.   

Write regularly.  A complicated program is not necessary.  Keep journals.  Write letters.  Proof everything and discuss their errors.  Then, have them read widely and well. If you can't keep up with booklists and thematic reading it is perfectly fine to use anthologies or prepared courses.  Many kids really and truly enjoy them.  Mine have often discovered new authors through such volumes. It may also help to remember that even a hero like Charlotte Mason did not do thematic, activity based unit studies.  She used good lit and history books (often texts at upper levels!) and usually had a couple different things going at once (ie some world history, some national history, some ancient etc.)  If you haven't read it recently a read through Colette Longo's tips for simplifying homeschool is well worth the time for the perspective it affords. 

As mentioned here before, we also try to do Morning Time daily, even if it actually happens at noon time or dinner time. <g>  That is a short time all together where we go over history dates, the names of the planets and continents, times tables, poems, greek/latin roots and so on.  Can't swing Morning Time?  No problem. Try adding some audio learning products here and there. Throw a book on tape into the cd player when you run errands. It adds up. 

Be honest with yourself about the time and energy you have to prepare and to participate.  Don't underestimate how much time it takes to run a home and family and be a loving attentive wife.  Also, don't OVERestimate how much mom-involvement is necessary for a student to learn well.  I have shared before how the head master of Kolbe Academy once said that if you can help your student with his studies, fine.  If you can't, then it's even better.  Art Robinson, Drew Campbell, and John Holt would likely concur.  Their reasoning is that you cannot learn for anyone else.  It is not a team sport. The child may have to wrangle with the subject matter but odds are in his favor that if he sticks with it he will come out on top for the effort.  He will really KNOW that material in ways he would not if he had someone holding his hand.  That isn't cruel. (we do lend a hand, just not HOLD a hand)  It is doing him a great kindness in my opinion by teaching diligence, proficiency and responsibility for his own work.  We moms tend to shoulder that load for them too often and end up with kids who are less than self-motivated as a result.  

Almost anything we do over and over we get very good at.  There is practically no curriculum that a child cannot learn a great deal from if they just stick with it.  There is also no perfect curriculum.  There are imperfections in all programs and with having no program at all.  Part of success is due to deciding which imperfections you are most comfortable with.  For many successful large families (see above links) that choice is prepared curriculum in at least some areas. Mom is freed up to focus on character training (a big part of which is doing schoolwork responsibly) and homemaking and being a wife.  Those are areas that often suffer when we get sidetracked trying to do every academic thing from scratch.   In fact those very areas are often more key to children's success than the content of their academic lessons.  

So am I suggesting we abandon hands on learning? No. We do school projects here and there but increasingly they are spontaneous and the curriculum does not depend upon them.  When we have time we usually choose to allocate it to a real life project like making a skirt or helping an older neighbor or preparing for a church play or music recital.  Like I said - there is a lot of life happening and that's ok.  Life is good : )  We also have combined traditional materials (like texts) with alternative methods (like notebooking) with absolutely stunning results. More to follow on that!  In this way we enjoy the best of both worlds and have the time and energy to dig into projects in the world around us. 

Remember this is a marathon, not a sprint. It is a cross country journey for some of us. We have to pace ourselves.  Be tortoises, not hares. : ) A little done well and regularly goes a long way.

God bless you!

-Kim

a post script - I know its publishing with funky highlighting and if I figure out why that happened I will try to rectify when I get another moment

Comments

[StarrySkyRanch]

Great minds! Rebecca and I were composing simultaneously. We have discussed these issues many times over the past months which is why there are so many similarities in our posts. We really believe what we have share.

[MomToCherubs]

Thank you for this thoughtful post ! I will hang on to the link for the future, so it will be handy to pass on to others.

SIMPLIFY ... that is something many many homeschool students and homeschool mom's could benefit from.

Grace & Peace,
MomToCherubs

[Carmen]

Kim, thanks so much for your post. I look forward to your post on notebooking. I appreciate this thoughtful post.

[Carmen]

Simplify simplify simplify!! Thanks so much!

[Nadja]

It has taken me several years to learn that as much as I love to hyper-organize everything, I don't need to do so in order to teach effectively. I have also had to learn my children's individual learning styles--the way in which I taught one to read did not work with another. I am learning at least as much as they are, it seems.

A wonderful post. Many good points to keep in mind. Thank you!

[Cheryl]

Kim, this post and the links are helpful to me. I have been struggling with the schooling lately. I need to make some changes around here.

[Anne]

This post is loaded with wisdom! As a mom of 3 out of homeschool, doing great at college and beyond, I agree entirely with this post. We now have 9 and if I had done anything but the bare essentials (just remember the 3R's) I wouldn't have been able to take care of the babies. Outside of the math and composition each day our kids just READ great literature. Lots and with pleasure. In the end it worked great. Incidentally, I'd say that if the kids are the ones learning, and mom the mere facilitator, they'll end up knowing more than us! That's how it is at our house--of course I have the wisdom. lol.

[Sue]

This is such a wonderful, encouraging post. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience!

[Amy Wick]

Your post is exactly what I needed to hear. I've been feeling for a while that we aren't doing what we "need" to be doing for school but your post helped me see that we are doing enough. Thank you.

[Erin]

Kim

Great article;)Thank you so much for sharing, I am pondering and processing. Thank you{{}}

[Donna Marie]

Talk about Great Minds!
dh and I were talking about this for the past week. A new normal seems to develop in our approach to school with the birth of every baby. I have been praying about balance in all things...school, chores...etc...
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. You have given me many things to think about. {{{{{HUGS}}}}
Kiss that sweet babe for me, will you? :o)

[Susan]

Thank you very much for this post, Kim. You've answered all my questions!

And I'm feeling a LOT better about what we have been doing around here too.

[Wendy in VA]

Thank you so much for this post, Kim. This (and Rebecca's) is exactly what I needed to hear.

[Brenda]

Kim, You already know what a big fan I am so I'm being kind of redundant. What an excellent and very needed post. We enrolled our oldest (9th grade) in Seton 2 months ago and have the younger ones doing bits & pieces of Seton along with Latin. I told my dh that after 10 years of homeschooling I feel as if 100 lbs. have been lifted off my shoulders. Finally, I'm enjoying sewing again! Pretty nightgowns for our little girls!

[Diana]

Ditto to all, Kim. For me, having a few special needs dc has made me focus on the basics, and everything else gets covered under the "Life" file. Kids with airway issues tend to make you say to all the busyness- "airway first, everything second", and I am grateful for that prespective.....The "second" stuff works itself out somehow, without a magificent pull off from me. Thanks be to God perfection isn't in my job description!!
Having a child with learning issues, (dyslexia and ADD) also keeps it simple. Focusing on the basics, and filling our lives with good stories, good people, good Liturgies.....
Send me this post when I start to get rattled, so I can read my own words, okay!?!?!

[Lisa]

Great post! Thanks for putting it all in to perspective so well!

[Barb]

Great essay! I wish I had had such thoughtful and wise advice when I was a new homeschooling mom. I cannot agree more with your advice on math. I have learned much from my mistakes, I am pretty sure my kids will be alright even though I used them as guinea pigs in one big experiment. :) I have gone from unschooler to a basic curriculum driven teacher. My school days are much more peaceful these days. And you're so right, life lends itself to myriads of experiences. The homeschooling way of life is awesome, and I wouldn't choose differently even if I could do it again. Well, I do still have a few years left to teach here don't I? :)

[Lisa]

Amen. I so love the theory of unschooling and unit studies and hands-on-learning. But they're too hard to incorporate with any regularity with a large family. I totally agree with you on the importance of predictability for the children ~ but have also found out that with all the unpredictability in our life of many pregnancies, sick babies, etc, the kids hve made out very well just by having an overall atmosphere of learning in the home. Encouraging them to want to learn levels out a rocky playing field!
Awesome post, Kim!

[tara]

Just starting this homeschooling journey, I often see a mountain ahead of me, but your reassurance encourages me. I don't HAVE to spend hundreds a year on cirriculum. I can still mother babies & teach. Plus, I can still share life experiences & consider that part of my child's education, though they may not be sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day. THANKS!

[Molly]

Thanks, Kim, for a very thoughtful and encouraging post. It was just what I needed to hear, as I am considering our plan for next year.