It is a sin only as......

Discussing tone of voice strikes a chord, sometimes a painful one, in many women earnestly trying to bless their families. I wanted to add some thoughts to those I posted the other day since so many women seemed saddened.  Most of those who are wounded by falling short of their ideal in this area would might wish to consider this passage,

"'I want you to make a distinction for yourself, which I make for you, between mere ill-temper and the irritability that is the result of a goaded state of the nerves.  Until you do that, nothing can be done to relieve you from what I am sure distresses and grieves you exceedingly.  Now I suppose that whenever you speak to me or the children in this irritated way, you lose your own self-respect for the time, at least, and feel degraded in the sight of God also.' 

'Oh Ernest! There are no words in any language that mean enough to express the anguish I feel when I speak quick impatient words to you, the one human being in the universe whom I love with all my heart and soul, and to the darling little children who are almost as dear! I pray and mourn over it day and night.  God only knows how I hate myself on account of this one horrible sin!'

'It is a sin only as you deliberately and willfully fulfill the conditions that lead to such results. Now I am sure if you could once make up your mind in the fear of God never to undertake more work of any sort than you can carry on calmly, quietly, without hurry or flurry, and the instant you find yourself growing nervous and like one out of breath would stop and take breath, you would find this simple commonsense rule doing for you what no prayers or tears could ever accomplish. Will you try that for one month darling?'"  - Stepping Heavenward

St John of the Cross gives similar counsel,

"Let then the first precaution be that, without the command of obedience, you never take upon yourself any work - apart from the obligations of your state - however good and full of character it may seem, whether for yourself or for anyone else inside or outside the house.

If you do not observe this precaution in little things as well as big, you will be unable to avoid the devil's deceiving you to a small or great degree. no matter how right you think you are."

No matter how right you think you are. 

Many of us make life much harder than it needs to be.  We are over-scheduled, overtired, and irritable as a result.  Problem is most folks who are those things will quickly add that there is absolutely nothing that could be done to change the situation. That is usually not so.  We have to honestly assess whether our activities and involvement is truly necessary or if we are are unwilling to let this or that go for other reasons.  Maybe it is pride. We have convinced ourselves we are called to a particular task. Maybe it is escape and we are convinced that the momentary diversion and pleasure offered by the activity is critical to our well-being.  

I am going out on a limb here to say we are wrong in most of those cases.  No matter how right we think we are.

If we are married and mothers then we ARE called.  We are called to be helpmeets.  We are called to be gentle, yet responsible mothers.  We are called to make comfortable, healthy homes. We are called to keep our eyes on God. We are not called in this season of life to do one bit more.  In fact, doing one bit more may just topple the apple cart.  

I tend to agree with this sentiment,

"The Spirit of God is present when you wash the dishes or pick up the dirty clothes, and He is there while you prepare meals for your family in the evening. 

God does not call women to be mountain top gurus or to seek one out for their personal benefit. He commands them to be keepers at home."  - Created to be His Helpmeet

Everything we need for our well-being is right under our noses if  we make proper use of it.   We can be gentle and attentive or distracted and irritable. The choice is ours, not just at the moment words fly from our mouth but in the hours beforehand when we choose which activities to participate in, which tasks to undertake, and how well we pace ourselves to do them with a gentle spirit. We  must guard the margin in our lives or else we are culpable for the irritability that results. 

Is your voice what you wish it to be?  Do you answer your husband and children with the gentleness you wish? What would they say? If not, can we follow the advice given in the first passage and give ourselves one month? One month to determine what is reasonable for us to do on a given day.  What can we accomplish without undue strain?  What is really required of us in our state of life?  Can we endeavor let go of so many "must's" and revel in the freedom and peace God wills for us and our families? His yoke is light. 

Comments

[Amy]

Wow, thank you so much, I never really thought about it that way before. Although, I think many days that I am snappish are actually because I am overwhelmed with simply the affairs of "my state in life" and no extra. Sad but true!

[Shayne]

Hi Kim,

I don't have a comment about your post (other than to say that it sounds eminently sensible to me)- I just wanted to say that even though I don't post much I am still reading your blog and enjoying your posts as much as ever. :)

Love to you and yours
Shayne

[cindy dodd]

Good stuff to read.
Cindy

[Genevieve]

Loving these sentiments. Remember reading Pearl's book years ago inspired me to travel along the gentle path. It has been greatly rewarding.

[Willa]

Thanks, Kim, this is good to ponder!

[Sue]

Thank you for this. I really needed to hear it! I'm with Amy. Sometimes it's not the "extras" that are stressing me out. Sometimes it's my own lack of organization, and lack of faithfulness in dealing with the things realated to my "state in life" in the way that I should. Thank you for giving me much to ponder and pray over.