One delightful consequence of less time online has been the opportunity to get through a good number of books this year. I have read very few homeschooling books in recent years but Paula Penn-Nabrit has written a page-turner in Morning by Morning. Rather than a series of directions it is a memoir of her family's journey from private school, to homeschool, to college, and beyond. The combination of compelling issues and dry humor made it a quick read, however I have been turning over and over several of the passages in my mind.
I turned down the corners of page after page. Unlike many homeschool advice books this one is very clear about the possibilities and about parameters - what you can do, what you can expect, and what is beyond your ability to control. Although she does share in detail how they approached different subjects and activities the emphasis on personal responsibility is clear. She realized that curriculum was simply a means to an end, and no curriculum can compensate for lack of vision and purpose. You might enjoy a few excerpts:
With regard to developing personal responsibility:
Probably the healthiest aspect of our homeschooling adventure was our sons' early understanding of the need to take holistic responsibility for their own joy, their own happiness, their own education, and their own lives. They had a foundation for a life of self-examination and fulfillment. They knew joy comes from knowing God, happiness comes from getting things right in relationships with family and friends, intellectual growth is a choice, and a life well lived is a process of committed work. Most importantly they knew that they were responsible for it all.
On being present:
But being present, fully present, in the moment requires quiet time. If I jump up in the morning, hit the ground running, and continue at that pace until I collapse into a fitful sleep of exhaustion at night, I cannot possibly be present in the moment. That's why we see so many people who apparently haven't been present, not only in the moment, but in the day, the week, the month, or the year. Sometimes the decision to be conscious or unconscious is less the result of a decision and more the result of habit and momentum.
On puberty:
Puberty is hard enough to experience, but what I learned as a parent is that it's not any easier to observe. Puberty is all about change, and change in any form, is rarely a painless process.
On guarantees (or the lack thereof):
You can spend tons of time and money creating the ideal environment, and your kid can still reach late adolescence and make a series of ridiculous and irresponsible decisions. Regrettably it happens. Remember the story of the Prodigal Son? He grows up and decides to break his father's heart and become an idiot for a few years. But after a while, he "came to himself." That story is a confirmation of the scriptural admonition and promise, "Train up a child in the way that he should go: and when he is old he will not depart from it." Notice the compelling silence bracketing the space between childhood and old age. A lot can happen in those intervening years.
But at least you will have the consolation of knowing you left no stone unturned in your quest for parental excellence. And if your kid grows up and opts to become a bum you will have the admittedly minor pleasure of being able to look him squarely in the eye and say, "You know better."
In regards to that parental excellence, here are the 'rules', whether or not your child is learning primarily at home:
It is your job to know how your child is doing in school, every day, Its your job to make sure your kid's homework is done, correctly and neatly, every day (and if it isn't, it's your job to make your kid do it over.) It's your job to make sure your kid knows how to behave in school and it's your job to know when that behavior is not up to par and to apply the appropriate discipline. It's your job to know whether or not your child is progressing and developing the appropriate academic skills in a timely manner; and if it's not happening, it is your job to find out why.
It's your job to know who your kid's friends are and it's your job to know what kind of people your kid's hanging out with and where they are hanging out. It is your job to wait up until they get home and make sure they're clean and sober. It is your job to be the adult... and challenge your kid when you think your kid is messing up.
It is your job to be at every sporting event, every choir concert, and every play your kids in involved in, whether your kid wants you to be there or not.
It is your job to know your kid's teachers - all of them. Make sure you know what courses your child is taking, has taken, and is planning to take. It's your job to know when the SAT and ACT are happening, and it's your job to know how your kid did.
It's your job to make sure your kids know that their potential is limitless and that anyone who tells them otherwise is a liar. It's your job to make sure your kids know they're responsible for uncovering their potential and working to develop it, not to do so is a sin before God.
It is not your job to be your kid's best friend and it's not your job to try to make your kid like you, and it's not your job to intrude. Parenting is a very big job with lifelong consequences, and you have a relatively short window of opportunity in which to accomplish work that will shape future generations.
No matter how you decide to proceed, trust yourself to do a good job.
The gist? Love your kids. Be fully present for and with them. Provide ample opportunity for them to develop their gifts, expend their energy and explore their world. Love them enough to expect excellence - academic and personal. Take your job seriously. Encourage them to take theirs seriously. Then trust that....
"He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." (Philippians 1:6)
Nice!
I am printing....
(I found out I need a 'binder of reminders' to keep my mind focused...)
Thanks again, Kim! :o)
Posted by: Donna Marie | July 07, 2009 at 11:35 PM
Kim you post a lot of good stuff here. This one is great. I'm off to order the book to read and ponder quickly before school starts again!
Posted by: Barb | July 08, 2009 at 02:57 AM
That sounds like a fabulous book! Even just the small bits you quoted give much to think about.
Posted by: Theresa | July 08, 2009 at 03:45 AM
I am so glad you blogged about this book. I just checked my local library and I was happy to see that they actually have it. I'm picking it up today!!!
Thanks
Posted by: Alison | July 10, 2009 at 01:54 PM
y'all - I just want to issue the disclaimer that while I thoroughly enjoyed this book it is important to note that most families will not have the resources this one had to throw at the education adventure. Further, I don't think it is necessary. Neither do I consider the Ivy League to be a litmus test for success. Enjoy this well-written story for its fascinating and insightful perspective but do not feel compelled to replicate their methods exactly.
Posted by: Kim | July 10, 2009 at 03:43 PM
Hilarious! I'm reading this book right now! Loving it though I can't read more than a chapter of it without having to sit and ponder for at least a day!
Posted by: Genevieve | July 08, 2011 at 03:55 AM