Change, big and small, always creates a certain amount of tension. As Frankl said in last month's book club read, some tension is optimal. It provides the impetus needed to propel us forward. Without it we risk stagnation. There is a sweet spot, however, between sloth and exertion, between stimulus and overwhelm. That sweet spot is different for each of us and for our children.
Small people begin by tackling the hourly transitions between activities. Sleeping to waking, eating to dressing, arrivals and departures. These can range from relatively smooth to hellish and we have a lot to do with how they play out. The links below give good tips for easing those touchstones in a child's day and encouraging them to meet them with peace.
Jennifer McIntosh shared a really insightful reflection about our older kids. They are not immune to the stresses life changes bring. That looks different with an older child. As she says, "Some act out...others withdraw." She encourages us to consider the tension they present at these times as cues. They serve as indicators that our child is experiencing a transition and could use our help.
"At touchstones along the way that child will signal that he needs help transitioning and making the next step."
If we are honest, we probably respond similarly in times of transition from place to place, during job changes, dietary changes, and so on. Instead of meeting that tension with irritability it is helpful to consider what is behind it to better meet needs. We can troubleshoot the real challenges vs reacting to the emotion.
They need our help, not our opposition. It is usually less a test of wills and more an underdeveloped ability to articulate core problems. We are on the same team.
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